


bottle episode

by nextyear



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Season: COUNTER/Weight, no plot shenanigans only, this is some slightly different nonsense than my usual nonsense but hey that's the holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22417840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nextyear/pseuds/nextyear
Summary: The long-lost bottle episode of COUNTER/Weight, in which the Chime get stuck in a closet, play Truth or Dare, and try to prank call Orth.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39
Collections: Secret Samol 2019





	bottle episode

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nikkolaii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikkolaii/gifts).



“What about cards?” Mako whispered loudly. “Does anyone wanna play cards?”

“Do you have cards?” asked Cass. 

Mako thought for a moment. “Okay, what about I Spy?”

“It’s pitch dark in here,” said Cass. 

“I don’t see you coming up with anything,” Mako muttered. “Aria? AuDy? You guys have any ideas?”

Aria looked up from her phone. “What?”

“Do you have any- wait, did AuDy just shut down?” Mako tapped lightly on the blank dome that he considered to be AuDy’s head. “Hello? Anyone in there?”

“I am trying not to waste battery,” said AuDy. 

“You don’t have a battery!” Mako protested. “Come on, play I spy with us.”

“You cannot see in the dark,” AuDy pointed out. 

“Well, you guys wouldn’t let me turn the lights on-”

“That defeats the purpose of us hiding in here,” said Cass. 

“Fine, jeez. Aria, gimme your phone.”

“Just use yours,” Aria said, not looking up. 

“My battery‘s dead.”

“How is your battery dead? You can text with your brain.”

“ _Ariaaaaa._ ”

Cass shushed him, and Mako stuck his tongue out at them. Sighing, Aria handed Mako her phone. 

“This is why you’re my favorite coworker,” Mako decided. He switched on the flashlight and set Aris’s phone in the middle of the floor, casting the cramped supply closet and its occupants in a dim light. Mako sat cross-legged on the floor, absentmindedly tapping his fingers against his knee. Aria had taken a seat on top of an overturned bucket. Cass was crouched in the corner, watching the door with their gun at the ready. AuDy had settled in next to a shelving unit, their limbs tucked compactly against their chassis.

“Okay, I spy with my little eye something blue,” said Mako. 

“Is it AuDy’s vest?” asked Aria. 

“Ding ding ding, we have a winner!” Mako said. “Now it’s your turn.”

“I spy… something gray.”

“It it the floor?” Mako asked. 

“No.”

Mako looked around the room. “Is it the wall?”

“Yeah, it’s the wall.”

“Okay, my turn again!” Mako turned to Cass and AuDy. “You guys should try to guess this time.”

“There’s nothing in here,” said Cass. 

“What about you, AuDy? Why don’t you give it a go?”

“I don’t want to,” said AuDy. 

“Okay, let’s try something else,” said Mako. “Cass, truth or dare?”

“I’m not doing that.”

“You have to do it or else there’s a penalty. That’s how Truth or Dare works.”

“He’s right,” said Aria. “You really don’t want to end up with a penalty.”

“I know you two are messing with me.” Cass sighed. “Truth.”

“Boring!” said Mako. “Okay, what’s a good truth question? AuDy, do you have anything?”

“No,” said AuDy. 

“Okay, um…” Mako thought for a moment. “Who do you like?”

“I pick dare,” said Cass.

“I dare you to tell me who you like.”

“Can I have the penalty?”

“The penalty is you have to tell us who you like,” said Aria.

Cass glanced apprehensively around the room. “I think it’s AuDy’s turn.”

“I am not playing,” said AuDy. 

“You have to play, or else you get a penalty,” said Mako. “Truth or dare?”

AuDy considered for a moment. “I do not want the penalty,” they decided. “I will pick dare.”

“I dare you to yell really loud,” said Mako. 

“No!” Cass whisper-shouted. “You’re going to get us arrested.”

Mako rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. Buzzkill.”

“I do not want the penalty,” said AuDy. 

“Cass can take your penalty,” Aria suggested. 

“Good idea,” said Mako. “Cass, you have two penalties.”

“What does that mean?” Cass asked, looking slightly more frustrated than before. 

“It’s really bad,” said Mako. “Okay, Aria, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to… I dare you to prank call someone!” Mako said, grinning. 

Aria picked up her phone. “Who should I call?”

“Um…“ Mako tapped his chin, as if he was deep in thought. “You should prank call Orth!”

“Don’t do that,” Cass said weakly. 

“Oh my god,” Aria said, ignoring Cass’s protests. “Okay, I’m gonna do it.” 

“What are you gonna say?” asked Mako. 

“ _Shh_ , it’s ringing,” said Aria. “I’m gonna put it on speaker.”

“Hello, you’ve reached the office of Orth Godlove…”

“Aw, it went to voicemail.” Mako frowned, then immediately perked back up. “We should leave a voicemail!”

“Okay, I think it’s about to beep,” Aria said, staring intently at the screen. 

“At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished, you may hang up or press one for more options.”

The phone beeped. Mako and Aria looked at each other for a second, then burst into giggles. 

“I can’t do it!” whispered Aria, handing her phone to Mako. “Mako, say something!”

Mako held the phone out toward Cass. “Cass, you do it!”

“I don’t-”

Mako turned to AuDy. “AuDy, say something! Like, ask if his refrigerator is running!”

“This is Automated Dynamics. I would like to inquire as to whether your refrigerator is running.”

“You’re not supposed to say your name,” said Mako, covering his mouth to muffle his laughter. “Now he knows it’s us!”

“This is the Chime,” said AuDy. “We have pranked you.”

“I‘m not involved,” said Cass. 

“Please don’t fire us,” Aria added. 

“Bye!” Mako hung up the phone, still snickering.

“That could’ve gone worse,” said Aria.

“Definitely,” Mako agreed. “Okay, someone ask me truth or dare.”

“Mako, truth or dare?” said Aria. 

“Dare. ‘Cause I’m not _boring_.” Mako poked Cass’s arm. Cass swatted his hand away.

“I dare you to do a cartwheel,” said Aria. 

Mako stood up immediately. “Okay, watch out.”

“Sit down,” said Cass. “You can’t even do a cartwheel.”

“I can definitely do a cartwheel,” said Mako. “And I’m going to, because I refuse to take a penalty.”

“I’ll take the penalty,” said Cass. “Just sit down.”

Mako sat down with a heavy sigh. “Okay, someone give me a new dare.”

“I dare you to do a somersault,” said Aria. 

“You two are banned from dares,” Cass said to Mako and Aria. 

Mako made an outraged face. “You can’t just ban us from dares!”

“I agree,” said Aria. “That’s two against one.”

Cass sighed. “AuDy?”

“Yeah, AuDy,” said Mako. “Tell Cass we shouldn’t be banned from dares.”

“You should be banned from dares,” said AuDy. 

“See?” said Cass. 

“We need a tiebreaker,” Mako decided. “Four-way rock-paper-scissors.”

Begrudgingly, everyone put their fists out. 

“We’re going on shoot this time,” said Aria. “So nobody go on scissors, okay?”

“We know how to play four-way rock-paper-scissors, _Aria_ ,” said Mako. 

“I’m just making sure,” Aria said. “Okay, rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

AuDy made a fist, Cass and Aria both did scissors, and Mako did paper. 

“My paper covers AuDy’s rock,” Mako said. 

“But my scissors beats your paper,” said Cass. “And AuDy’s rock beats Aria’s scissors.”

“Aria, my rock has crushed your scissors,” AuDy said. 

“Two against one,” said Cass. “You’re banned from dares.”

Aria turned to Mako and stuck out her hand. “I’m honored to have fought by your side in this great rock-paper-scissors battle,” she said solemnly. 

“Ditto,” Mako said, shaking Aria’s hand. “Okay, someone give me a truth.”

Aria thought for a moment, then asked, “Which of the four of us do you think would win in a real fight?”

“Weapons or hand-to-hand combat?” Mako asked. 

“Hand-to-hand, no weapons allowed,” said Aria. 

“AuDy’s arm is a gun.”

“Okay, everyone gets a gun, but there’s no bullets,” Aria decided. 

“What are we supposed to do with unloaded guns?” Cass asked. “Hit each other?”

“I think Cass would lose,” said Mako. 

"I would _not_ lose," Cass argued. 

"Fight me, then," Mako said, putting his fists up. "C'mon, Cass. Let's dance."

"Don't put your thumbs inside like that," said Cass. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Mako looked down at his hands. "Aren't they supposed to go on the inside? You're always saying, 'Mako, put your thumbs on the inside-'"

"I said to _not_ put your thumbs on the inside."

"Well, I can't just stick 'em out! I'll look weird."

"No, just-" Cass took Mako's hand and adjusted his fingers. "Like this."

"That's what I was doing!" Mako raised his fists again. "Fight me."

"I'm not going to fight you."

"Just fight him," said Aria.

"I don't want to do that," said Cass.

Mako lowered his hands with an exaggerated sigh. "Cass, I always thought you were a fish."

"I'm not-"

"Turns out you're a _chicken,_ " Mako said, miming chicken wings with his arms.

Giggling, Aria held her hand up to Mako for a high-five.

"What are you talking about?" Cass asked, brow furrowed.

"Talking 'bout how you won't fight me 'cause you're a chicken," said Mako.

"What does that have to do with- I don't-" Cass cut themself off with a huff. "You know what? I don't care."

Mako made a weird noise.

"What is that supposed to be?" asked Cass.

"That's a chicken sound," said Mako. "I looked it up."

"Oh," said Cass.

Everyone was silent for a few moments.

“I’m bored,” Mako announced. 

“We know,” said Aria. 

“I wanna leave,” said Mako. 

“We all want to leave,” said Cass. “We’ll go once the coast is clear.”

“It’s been, like, seven hours,” said Mako. 

“It’s been forty-five minutes,” said Aria. 

“I’m hungry,” said Mako. 

“I think AuDy has a granola bar,” said Cass. They turned to AuDy, who appeared to be in sleep mode. “AuDy?”

“Why would AuDy have a granola bar?” asked Aria. 

AuDy took a rather smushed granola bar from their vest pocket and handed it to Mako. “Fuel,” they said by way of explanation.

"Thanks, AuDy," said Mako. To Aria, he stage whispered, "I think it's 'cause they secretly love us and don't want us to starve to death."

"Aww," said Aria. "AuDy, that's so sweet."

AuDy didn't reply. 

Mako waved a hand in front of one of their cameras. "I think they went back to sleep," he said. "Or they're just doing that thing where they pretend to shut down so they don't have to talk to us. Classic AuDy, right? Okay, someone give me a truth."

"If you had to switch lives with someone for a week, who would it be?" Aria asked.

"Definitely Orth," said Mako. "I have to know what that guy gets up to in his free time. You?"

"I don't know, actually," said Aria. "Cass, do you have one?"

"No," said Cass.

"Okay, okay, wait," said Mako. "I've got something. Would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet?"

"Hands for feet, obviously," said Cass. "You wouldn't be able to do anything with feet for hands."

"Okay, would you rather turn into a ghost or have no eyes?" Mako asked.

"I do not have eyes," said AuDy.

"Hey, AuDy's back!" said Mako. "Okay, for everyone who has eyes-"

"Wait, I think I hear someone coming," Aria whispered, leaning toward the door. 

Everyone immediately went silent. Cass slowly drew their gun. Mako stopped tapping his foot. 

The footsteps were getting louder. Cass looked at Mako, Aria, and AuDy in turn, silently checking for confirmation. Aria gave a quick nod. AuDy did a thumbs-up. Mako put both thumbs up.

In that moment, each member of the Chime all had the same thought on their mind: it was now or never.

"It turned out to just be the janitor," Aria said, leaning back in her chair. "Cass almost shot them."

" _Almost_ ," Cass emphasized. 

"I told them we were professional closet inspectors," said Mako. "I had a whole backstory and everything."

"And that… worked?" Jacqui asked, looking very skeptical.

"It did not work," said AuDy.

"We had to run for it," said Mako. "But it was totally cool and fine, and we didn't get shot. Not even a little bit."

Jacqui turned to Aria. "Are all your jobs like this?" 

"No," said Aria. "They usually don't go this well."

Jacqui made a face. "It sounds like you guys suck at this."

Aria, Cass, and Mako all started talking at once.

"Well, it's more that we're really unlucky-"

"She's not wrong."

"We don't even suck that bad!"

"We've just been having a bad month," Aria explained.

"Have we ever had a good month?" asked Cass.

"Of course we have!" said Aria. "Remember that time with all the drones?"

"When AuDy slapped the walkie-talkie right out of that guy's hand?" Mako asked.

"And Mako tried to convince the guard they went to high school together?" Cass added.

"Yeah, exactly!" Aria beamed. "That was good, right?"

"Nobody was shot," said AuDy.

"And we got to keep all of those dried fruit packets," Mako added.

"It's a really good story, actually," Aria said, turning to Jacqui. "We blew up some stuff."

Jacqui sighed good-naturedly. "Let's hear it, then."

"Well," Aria began in her best stage voice, "it all started when the coffee machine broke…"

**Author's Note:**

> happy secret samol to [@nikkolaii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikkolaii/pseuds/nikkolaii), and a happy secret samol to all the organizers and participants of this fine exchange!


End file.
